I am dating a guy going through divorce now. Yeah, it is totally not cool for him to be spending the night at his child's mothers home. I think the only thing that has been compromised is his ability to carry on the lying here that's clouding your relationship, because if he cared he would not stay with his ex out of respect for you. Many women find the man they think is the one and they drop everything to pursue . It's one thing to ask your partner about his kid's mom, while it's another thing to express whats bothering you. He will stay for 3 or 4 days and tell me that he will stay at his families house or his friends house, but one time out of the 2 or 3 nights he will stay at the child's house. Your parents most likely have your best interest at heart and they could have reasons they don't want you to go. To me, it seems that the person that asked you the question is rushing Prudence when feeling the need to rush into things has never been ill advice. The 10 Biggest Dating Mistakes That Are Keeping You Single & How to Overcome Them, Copyright 2023 Dating a Divorced Man Coach Privacy Policy Affiliate Disclosure Terms of Use Contact. I just wanted common bloody respect. You shouldn't involve others merely for the fun of it, but because you know they can help. If she wants him back she can have him. If your boyfriend is still communicating daily with the woman who gave birth to his child, it is reasonable to be concerned that he is still associated with her in some manner. Nevertheless, try to ensure your approach is as subtle and empathetic as possible. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. My boyfriend and I have known each other for years and have been together, on and off, for 5 years. My partner plays video games all the time. Does he not want to spend His ex wife spoke and said it hurt his feelings. MEN: will they always love their "baby mama"? - AskMen 'My fiance wants me to spend the night in a hotel with her - 7NEWS All Rights Reserved. After the birth of my child, my husband and I split. Ask Lisa: My boyfriend and his female co-worker text each other He probably spent all day cleaning and making sure everything was nice and tidy just for you. Overnight stays with fathers from as early an age as possible is crucial if children are to form strong attachments with both of their parents. He did this to me with thanksgiving, I thought it was us going to the country place but later on his kid tells me hes coming up. Oh I didnt know she would tell . Replicant, it's like you read my mind! Regardless of how things went wrong, bad mouthing your night together is a definite no-no. He mentioned her wanting to spend the night to me and said that he didn't want her to spend the night, because she could just meet him the morning of the event and then ride . If your boyfriend has a baby mama, things are bound to get awkward at one point in time or the other. Therefore, you should always believe he's a responsible man that can do the right thing. Understand that your partner plays a crucial role in balancing his relationships, especially if he has kids outside. The only need to stay over though would be if she wasn't coming home. If you press this, you will lose. Opening a dialogue may help to uncover the underlying reasons why he avoids spending time with you. Our relationship started about 3 months after he separated from his wife of 10 yrs after she cheated on him on 2 occasions. Keep a healthy lifestyle. What would your boyfriend say to asking Baby Momma (or petitioning the court) for an additional day of visitation so that he can have it at his house instead of having to have it at hers? Remember that dating your partner is a choice. It was his Wife who had an affair and called off the marriage. But it's not really his mother who's to blame . You get to decide how much time you want to give it. Instead, let the process happen naturally. I had this same problembut my boyfriends child/mother live in another state. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I wrote an article on whether you should wait for him to finalize his divorce that you might find helpful. "My Boyfriend Prioritizes Everything Over Me" - Dear Wendy (Heres What To Do), 24+ Clean Comebacks for Bullies Thatll Make You Smile, Is My Boss a Narcissist Quiz (10 Questions to Help You Find Out! Another way to get on this partner's good side is trying to know his kid better. On Sundays, my boyfriend picks up his daughter and takes her to his house for the day. But didnt know he was blended between me and another woman until I met his ex wife two years later. He only sees her about once ever month or so. He didnt draw boundaries with the ex and DEFENDs her. But, she never saw her mom date. But he just wont let it stop. I can see maybe he go there, spend the evening with his baby while the mother has the night out. DONT DO IT ! After he was an a$$ to me and the father didnt care to correct or address the child. After all, her parents split when she was in preschool, and she was raised almost exclusively by her mother, who was a great role model in that she rose from a store clerk to a corporate executive during my friend's childhood. ), Hes not totally over her yet and enjoys talking to her a lot, Shes using their child as a way to manipulate him or talk to him a lot, which is also a form of control, They have long conversations sometimes even for hours or hes always the one that wants to keep talking, Hes always sharing things with her that he doesnt share with you, He still goes around her house a lot, and sometimes it has nothing to do with their child, You feel like youre always playing second fiddle to her or that shes always coming first, Hes secretive about conversations and some of the time he spends with her, How much time he spends talking to her or texting her. The ultimate last two was her telling him about our arguing (once a month now) and the announcing to the son were having. For example, if he always leaves the room to talk to his kids mum, you should bring this up. Dating a Divorced Man Support, My Boyfriend Still Has His Ex-Wife's Stuff | Melissa Josue. Nah you're not being irrational, you just doubt your confidence to stand by what you think is right. My guy is getting divorced. What gave her the right to do that? Many phone calls a day and just a lot of unenecessary contact. Setting healthy boundaries between your man and his baby mama, as well as how and when he sees his child, thats how! Unfortunately, the relationship he has with the mother of his first son is bitter, to say the least. It's been 4 years since the split and ex wife is now very involved and does her share of parenting. It was a pendulum. Your needs are your needs. How to make your baby daddy feel guilty for leaving, Hes always the one that initiates contact. Nevertheless, believing in his standards and maintaining openness is key to building trust. Should Children Of Separated Parents Sleep Over At Their Dad's? Its hard when it feels like youre not just dealing with him, but youre also contending with his ex-wife and his kids. Partner spending Christmas with ex - Netmums How to react to my man going to his baby mamas house all the time? my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama And is there a way that you could negotiate with him to meet that need? Dating a Man With a Baby Mama He needs to respect both parties: The man will always be in the middle of this urban battle, but only if he doesn't stand up and be the man that he should be. He is a HUGE momma's boy and spends a ton of time with both of his parents. Bottling up your concerns would only make you act irrationally and seem insensitive to your partner. Required fields are marked *. The term was first used in the early 1900s and its popular use is rooted in the work of theorists and child development researchers such as Sigmund Freud and . Healthy Boundaries in a Mother-Son Relationship - Verywell Family my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama. I dont want to feel like runner up and always coming in second to his ex and kids. Is my ex's girlfriend/boyfriend allowed around my kids? But his ex wife beat me to the punch. How much time to allow? Such as how much time your guy is spending talking to his baby mama, whether its talking on the phone or texting, and what theyre talking about. My kids still beg me to ask my boyfriend to spend the night. And tries brush it off. Advertisement. Did you enjoy this article? Is he not allowed to bring his daughter home on that evening? And I know I wasnt my best. The best way to handle a situation involving a child's life and the mum's is to talk to your man about it. You can start by asking whether he needs to speak with his baby mama so often. If hes informing her about his personal life or trying to know about hers, he likely still loves her. About three-and-half years into a relationship, couples tend to stop going to bed at the same time. Which in turn is going to be better for his child, which is important. If you're not constantly stressing about the situation, youre likely to have a healthy conversation without arguing.